STUFF...

ERRORS OF WINDOWS MILLENIUM

error 001: Windows haven´t enough memory, and it can´t remember what error is

error 002: Windows is working correctly. You must reboot your system

error 003: There is no error. Windows is driving you mad

error 004: Error on Windows error

error 005: Surprise error

error 006: Error without solution. You already installed Windows

error 007: Windows is angry because you installed Linux

error 008: Random error (just testing)

error 009: Windows can´t make an error, please wait...

error 010: Windows Milleniumm

SOME WINDOWS STUFF (POOR BILLY)

Do you know what is the best in Windows?... Neither do I

Since I installed Windows, my computer don´t understand me...

The future is Windows... Please do something!!!

if (%the_frogs_have_hair == true) { /msg $chan Windows is good}

The difference between Windows and a virus is that the virus is free...

You want a faster Windows? Throw it from the 22nd floor...

Norton Antivirus: "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"

Starting Windows..................Pray!

SYMPTHOMS THAT CAN INDICATE THAT YOU ARE A FRUSTRATED HACKER

You send your viruses with your personal E-Mail address

Your best computer virus is worldly called "All the things that a hacker shouldn´t do"

The only software that you could crack was "Tetris"

The FBI and the CIA gave u a prize for your constancy

You send 1,000,000 mails warning that you created a deadly virus

You made a computer Joke, and you can´t uninstall it

Your last virus had your name... and surname

You know your co-worker is a hacker when...

-Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.

-Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.

-When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.

-Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

-Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.

-Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."

-Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

-Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.

-Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President."

-You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"

You might be a Hacker if..........

You've ever woken up at 3AM with an urgent need to use the bathroom, and on the way back thought, "I'll just check my email real quick"

You've ever dreamt about source code.

Your last 5 meals consisted of pizza and Mountain Dew.

The sound of a keyboard clicking turns you on.

The last time you got up prior to noon was in 1994.

If(you_have_ever_written_email==this)

You've gone 72 hours without sleep because "this stupid thing SHOULD compile!".

When someone mentions "SATAN" you don't think of the devil.

The case hasn't been on your computer since the day you bought it.

You call 911 when your ISP goes down.

You have a LAN in your living room.

You've ever used the phrase "I love kickin puppies!" (Warez Puppies)

Your lifelong dream is to get published in Bugtraq.

Your ISP calls YOU for tech support.

You think "Unix Wars" should be made into a movie.

You've been obssesed with Sandra Bullock ever since "The Net" came out.

You think your phone is tapped.

Your phone IS tapped.

You tapped your own phone just to see if you could.

The amount of RAM you have is > your IQ.

Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Sysadmin

10. You see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have no idea it is referring to drugs.

9. Your sleep schedule is similar to that of the great horned owl.

8. You make more than all of the MBAs you know who actually finished college.

7. You have enough computing power in your house or apartment to render obscene pictures of upper management people.

6. Your idea of a social event is going to a Non-Disclosure Discussion.

5. The last time you wore a tie was your high school graduation.

4. The last time you kissed someone was in high school.

3. "What? No raise? No Backups, then!"

2. You have a vanity plate on your car that names part of the Unix File System.

And the number one sign you might be a Sysadmin...

1. You have ever uttered the phrase "I will be working from home today so I can avoid wearing pants."

12 STEPS PROGRAM OF RECOVERY FOR WEB ADDICTS

Source: Unknown Netizen

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it

is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!